Halloween

Happy Halloween....

Photo of the day…

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more adorable than Shelli and Zoe snuggled up on the couch enjoying a little nap this afternoon.

Reusable Bags

Everyone is very excited about Halloween in this house. It’s been the topic of conversation and the countdown has begun. I’m not sure what they are more excited about wearing their costumes, or all the candy they THINK they are going to eat.

Last year, I got Zoe a reusable bag for trick or treating, which later became another one of our grocery bags. This year, all the kids are getting reusable bags again. They have so many cute ones out there. They each picked one out and never once asked why they couldn’t have a plastic pumpkin. They think these are just as cool!

Hike with Mommy

Shelli had a commitment this afternoon so, I decided since the weather was so perfect I would take the kids for a hike.

Each time we go, I try to go further than the last time. We probably did about 1.5 miles this afternoon and it was so much fun. The trails were a little muddy but the kids had on their rain boots so, I let them tromp through the puddles. We even spotted a baby snake!

Half way through our hike, we stopped and enjoyed a snack. While we were all sitting on the tree trunk, the kids and I talked about the upcoming week and all we had going on. I always keep the kids in the loop as to what is going on. It not only gives them things to look forward too but, they know what to expect.

Luis did fantastic considering he doesn’t enjoy hiking as much as Zoe and Christian. He kept up and made it the whole way without a break-down. I was proud of all of them. There is just something about hiking that brings me so much peace. I could be in the worst mood and as soon as I step foot on the trail, all my worries fade away. It’s so relaxing and beautiful. The kids can run and be free too. I had a wonderful afternoon with the kids.

Birthday Party

Shawn's 5th Birthday Party....

"Intervention"

What a morning! This morning, Shelli and I had a meeting with a behavior specialist for the boys. The boys have been acting out at school so, I thought it would be pro-active to set up a meeting to have them evaluated, in hopes of not only getting the boys help, but also to help us better facilitate their needs and stay sane at the same time. I don’t often blog about things like this however, it’s a part of our life and it’s something that weighs heavy on me – daily!

The meeting was at 9am. We dropped Zoe off at school and then headed over to the meeting. We asked the boys teachers to come (and they gladly obliged!). I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but so far so good. The teachers were there, the boys' case worker was there, and we were all waiting on the doctor. The psychologist came out and introduced himself and then took all of us back to his office. Shelli stayed with the kids so the adults could talk without the kids present. As I was sitting in the office, to my left was the doctor, to my right was the kid’s caseworker, and in front of me was Luis and Christian’s school teachers. The doctor starts asking me all these questions and I felt myself starting to get emotional. I was a little overwhelmed thinking, here I am sitting in this room with all these people who are there for the boys, and I want to help, yet these kids belong to someone else. Where are their biological parents? Why aren’t they here? What could possibly be more important then being there for YOUR kids? Instead, I’m there with all my notes, paperwork, and everything else they requested I bring. Their mother couldn't even take the time to complete the paperwork, but I'm there, the teachers are there, and Shelli even took the morning off to attend the meeting. What is wrong with this picture? The parents were advised of the appointment, and were asked to attend. But, needless to say, they didn't show up.

After about an hour of talking with the teachers, caseworker, and the doctor, they brought in Shelli and the boys. It didn’t take long for Luis to show his true colors as he threw a fit in front of everyone. I again sat there helpless. The doctor says, “Leave him!”, I turn my face trying to focus on something outside still listening to what is going on around me while the doctor writes notes on what is taking place. I love these boys very much but to re-hash their past and the absence of parenting is hard for me to digest. I try to look forward in a positive manner. I want so badly to erase all the bad that has ever happened to them. They both have issues and have no clue how to deal with them; all they know is what they've taught themselves. I struggle right beside them, I want to hug them, kiss them, heal them and most of all I want to help them. How can these kids not be angry? They haven’t had the easiest life, and the damage is done.

By the time the meeting was over, I was heavy hearted and wanted to run, not walk out of there. Of course the boys qualify for behavioral services, which will begin immediately. I truly hope by starting now and getting them the help they need, when they are a little older they will have learned healthy ways to work past their anger and frustration. I don’t ever want them to be labeled as 'trouble' or 'slow' or any other negative connotation. I want them to be strong, independent, loving, articulate, and passionate boys. I want them to be able to stand on their own two feet and make good choices in life.

Shelli and I dropped the boys at school after the meeting and went to lunch before picking Zoe up. I don’t think either of us said much. I try to hold on to all the good times we've have as a family of five. I don’t want to dwell but I sometimes feel I’ve hit a wall and don’t know what else to do. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this. It’s so complex. I’ve learned so much about myself over the past 8 months. I have pulled things out of me that I never knew I had and as tired as I am, and broken down that I feel, I know this is what I am supposed to be doing right now in my life. Luis and Christian need me and if I can help them at this time in their lives, then it's worth a little discomfort for me, and surely I will heal much faster then they ever will.

Lunch Date

Tuesday is the day Zoe hangs out with one of her closest friends, Shawn. She always looks forward to her weekly play date with him and they get along very well. John, (Shawn’s dad) and I are equally as close so it is always a fun play date for everyone.

This afternoon we all met for lunch at Cheeburger Cheeburger. I absolutely love that place. I don’t believe in eating anything healthy when I go there, it's just NOT an option. I want to eat bad and have zero guilt for it. Yes, the guilt usually hits me several hours later but, I try to enjoy every bite before the guilt sets in.

Shawn and Zoe each got milkshakes and grilled cheese. It kills me that they always order the same thing. It never fails, as soon as Shawn orders what he wants, you can bet Zoe wants the SAME THING! Even if she already had something picked out that she wanted, her mind changes immediately when Shawn orders. Silly kid!

Pumpkin Carving 101

Since I’m a HUGE holiday person, of course I want my kids to love it as much as me. I can’t say Halloween is my favorite holiday but, it’s the first holiday of the fall and the kids love it.

This morning we carved pumpkins. Sure, the boys are probably a little to young to get the full concept but, that doesn’t stop me from experiencing the whole thing with them. I figured we’d try and make the best of it. First up, Zoe, and she is a pro. She threw her hands into the pumpkin pulling out all the gooey guts with one thing in mind --- ROASTED PUMPKIN SEEDS. The boys were unsure about the whole thing. They were more worried about getting dirty than getting in the pumpkin and enjoying the moment. I had to tell them over and over again that it was okay to get dirty!

Shelli, Dana, & Karen took their time and picked out very cute stencils while I went out on a limb and did ‘freehand’. You can tell who didn’t have a stencil, that’s for sure! At the end of some serious carving, the kids all took a break and had some Halloween cupcakes.

Lots of fun stuff planned in the next couple months. I can’t wait!

2nd Tooth LOST

Zoe lost her second tooth this afternoon.....

Brrr....

Hot chocolate on a COLD rainy day.... Yum!

First Lost Tooth

Zoe was brushing her teeth yesterday and she LOST A TOOTH! How can this be, surely she’s WAY too young. I called the dentist right away and of course they were closed because it was Friday. I scoured the web for any info I could find, and the general consensus; the earlier a child gets teeth, the earlier they lose them. Zoe had all four of her front teeth at 7months. You can bet, the tooth right next to the one that fell out is loose too. I have a cleaning scheduled for her next week which happened to work out perfect. I’m curious to hear what the dentist will say, and you can be certain, I will be calling them first thing Monday morning.

Once Zoe got over the shock her tooth actually fell out, the next questions were, “When is the tooth fairy coming?”, “How will the tooth fairy know where I live?”, “What will she leave me?”, “Will I see her flying in my room?”, “Does she have a broom?”

Bright and early this morning, Zoe came running into our room screaming, “The tooth fairy came! The tooth fairy came, and she didn’t leave me piggies, she left me MONEY! (Zoe has always called coins, piggies) The tooth fairy left Zoe a dollar under her pillow. She couldn’t wait to get that money put in her piggy bank.

Zoe is growing up so fast and I NEED it to slow down. I love experiencing all life’s little things with her but, jeez, I’m not ready to let go of my baby. Zoe is our baby girl transforming into a BIG girl right in front of our eyes. It’s hard to accept my baby is growing up so fast. I look and her and remember the very day we went to see her at the hospital. She was wrapped so tight in a pink blanket. The nurses were getting her ready for me (her mommy) to feed her. I couldn’t get through the door fast enough to hold her, smell her, and kiss her. I sat in the nursery and held my daughter for hours. She was perfect! It was by far the most amazing day of my life. I think about that day often—daily!

Hiking in the rain.....

The plan this morning was to hit the trails early however, when we woke up it was cloudy and sprinkling. Zoe and I were hoping it would clear up so we could enjoy some time on the trails and of course the beautiful views of the trees changing.

We decided to take our chances and go anyway. We’ve hiked in the rain before so, why stop now?? We even dragged Ms. Dana along with us to enjoy the trails and some girl talk. Zoe always has so much to say about everything so, Ms. Dana got an ear full. Zoe still doesn't quite get that when you hike you should be semi quiet and take it all in. She is too excited and has to show me everything she finds along the way. I guess that is just a part of hiking with a 4 year old!

Pumpkin Time

This morning the kids and I got out all the Halloween stuff and started decorating the house and yard. We made a HUGE mess in the basement but, in my eyes there is no other way to do it! We went through all the bins and picked out all the stuff they wanted to use and by the time we through we had no desire to clean it up. What else is new?

After naps, the fun continued. We met Jaylyn and her mommies at one of our favorite farms to pick pumpkins. The kids had a good time checking out all the different pumpkins, funky shaped gourds, and running through the corn maze. Finding the ‘perfect’ pumpkin seemed easy this year. Zoe has been asking to get a pumpkin for weeks. She loves to carve them but more importantly, she loves to make roasted pumpkin seeds with the ‘guts’. We make them every year – it’s a tradition!

The boys couldn’t wait to get home and put the pumpkins on the front porch. They couldn’t get out of the car fast enough to get them put up and check out all the decorations they did earlier in the day. We can’t wait to carve the pumpkins!

Twins

It’s hard not to sit back and analyze my life and all that has taken place in the past eight months. Overnight I (we) became a mother of three and my (our) world instantly changed from the second the boys walked through the door. There are lots of days that are overwhelming, this journey of foster care has had its good and it’s bad. We’ve had lots of laughs and LOTS of tears.

During this time, I’ve built a bond with the boy’s birth mom. I’m not sure how healthy that is for me considering I worry about her all the time BUT, I want to help her, guide her, and offer encouraging words. I want her to see how important it is for her to get herself together, if for nothing else, the kids she brought into this world. I want to get through to her, I really do. It’s been an emotional roller coaster one, not too many people would ever be able to understand. Anyone who knows me knows I’m extremely passionate about people in general and I’m always the first one to roll my sleeves up and help anyone in need – I’m a ‘fixer’ in every sense of the word.

The boys struggle with some social and emotional issues that I can only pray they will be able to work through. Being three years old and trying to figure life out isn’t an easy task. Let’s face it; we are all still learning as we find our way in this world. How in the world can two little boys begin to process all that is going on? All we can do is be there for them, hold them, and try to get them through the days that are not so easy for them.

I can’t thank everyone enough for all the sweet emails, comments, and encouraging words through this process. The boys have come very far and we will continue to be proactive in getting them all and any help they may need. We don’t know what the future holds but, we do know with all the love and support from our friends and family, we will make it through. No matter how awful some days can be, I know when I lay my head down at night all three of my babies are tucked into their beds safe and sound.

Hike

Hiking is probably one of my all time favorite things to do and even more so in the fall. Thursday, Zoe and I went for a mommy/daughter hike alone on a peaceful and quiet trail a few miles from the house. All the trees are changing and the air was crisp. It was a perfect day to be on the trails.

Hiking with Zoe is a slow process. She stops to pick up every stick, nut, berry, and leaf she sees. Not to mention, she has to touch and poke every bug we come across. Zoe has always been a kid who wants to be outside, camping, hiking, swimming, sports, and anything else having to do with the outdoors – which I love!

Having one on one time with Zoe means the world to me. Zoe and I are so much a like and always have so much to talk about. Luis and Christian love going hiking too but while Christian can stay up with Shelli and I step for step, Luis would rather stroll along and gets tired pretty easily.

Over the next few weeks, I’m looking forward to several more peaceful hikes. We’ve got to get them in before it gets too cold!