Sad Day....

It is with great heartache I write this post to inform everyone of the boys leaving us this morning. The pain I feel is unbearable, I feel like I’ve lost a part of me. Saying goodbye to them this morning was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I wrapped my arms around these two little boys as tight as I could and didn't want to let go! I love them both so much and my heart feels like it’s in a million pieces.

When we signed up to be foster parents our intent was to help children in need of a safe place to fall. Never in a million years did I think I would be parenting 3 year old twins. When we got the call for the boys, Shelli wasn’t sure we could do it but, who tells me I can’t do something? NO ONE! I said, bring them, they need us. As the months went on, we noticed several ‘issues’ with the boys. I immediately advocated for every service I could get for them. They didn’t have anyone fighting for them so, I stepped up. I was determined to fight for them. I was on the phone day after day, hour after hour trying to get help, guidance, and any kind of support I could. I sacrificed everything to try and give these little guys a second chance. I was on a mission and nothing was going to stop me – NOTHING! I even reached out to their mom in hopes maybe one of our many 'heart to heart' talks would get through to her and she would turn her life around and see just how much her kids needed her. I was determined to help her see the light.

A year later, we’ve done all we can do but the sad and hard fact is, the boys need much more than we can give them. They need professional help. Selfishly I thought I could ‘fix’ them. The mommy in me wanted to be able to make all the bad go away. Sure, I could go on and on about all the ‘troubling’ things that happened over the past year but, there are so many wonderful times too. Times I will never forget as long as I live. These boys will always have a huge place in my heart and I will never forget the time I spent with them. I wouldn’t take back a single thing. They came into my life for a reason and I gave them 200% of me. Times got tough over the year but, I kept fighting and fighting even when I felt I have no fight left.

This weekend was one of the longest and most painful weekends ever. We got the call late Friday afternoon (after court) the boys would be leaving Monday. I wasn’t going to let them leave without celebrating their 4th birthday which is today! I pushed my sadness to the back burner and baked birthday cakes. Christian wanted a chocolate 'Cars' cake and Luis wanted a vanilla Spiderman cake. We ordered pizza Friday night and had two very happy boys blowing out their candles – without a care in the world!

How do you pack up a years worth of clothes, toys, memories and put them in a bag? It’s impossible. We shared an entire year of holidays with these boys. From Valentine’s all the way to New Years to their birthday! I held in all my sadness around the kids because I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible for them but, I was dying inside knowing I will never kiss these boys again, hear them sing in the car, watch them ‘swim’ in the tub, brush their teeth, tuck them in, make them their favorite meals, etc.

On positive side, I know in my heart and soul the boys need to be in a place where they can get the help they need. I know it’s going to take us all time to heal. Zoe is going to need time too. We all were affected by this as a family and with that said; I’m going to take a break from the blog to re-group. Thank you all for your kind words and support throughout this incredible journey, it has meant the world to us.

Happy 4th Birthday Babies! I hope all your wishes come true. We love you very much and you wll never be forgotten. xoxo

Mother/Daughter Hike

The past couple days have been beautiful. I’ve gone hiking by myself each and everyday it’s been nice but, today was extra special. Zoe joined me on a hike and it was perfect. We did about a mile and talked the whole time when we weren’t on an ‘adventure’. Zoe was Dora the Explorer, and I of course got stuck being Diego. We ran from bears, dinosaurs, an even a few snakes on our imaginary journey. Zoe was the one who would fight off all the animals that came across our path. At one point we had to cross over water and Zoe went as far as to lay a stick down for us to walk over in fear we might have to fight off an alligator. We were both in character and enjoyed every second of our brisk yet muddy hike. I don’t think there is anything more in this world I enjoy more than spending quality time with the one person I love most in this world.

In other exciting news, Zoe got to use her brand new camelbak she got for Christmas from her Uncle Henry. She felt like a pro hiking with her water on her back. Shelli and I both have one and use it for longer hikes but, Zoe couldn’t wait to try hers out. She absolutely loves it and I don’t think she will ever hike without it.

Job Chart

All the kids have daily ‘chores’ they are supposed to do. By ‘chores’ I mean, make their bed, put their pj's (folded neatly) on their pillow, get dressed for school, book bags by the door (with lunch boxes inside), shoes on, toys put up, etc. They really are not ‘chores’ so much as to the things they should be doing anyway.

It’s always hit or miss with the boys but for the most part, they do very well as long as there is structure. Zoe on the other hand is a little (a lot) absent minded. She can forget in one second what she is supposed to be doing so, I made her a chart. Not just any chart, but a picture chart so there are NO questions as to what she is supposed to do and in what order it is to be done.

Zoe is very independent, and has always been very strong willed. She wants to do things on her own, and prove she is a BIG girl. Shelli and I are both that way so, it’s no wonder she is that way. We're not complaining, but boy can she be a challenge sometimes. I know now how both of our parents must have felt! Despite the independent streak in her, Zoe is also very compassionate and always the first one to lend a helping hand.

Thus far the chart has been semi productive. It’s still new so, we will see how it goes. We're hoping its fail proof!

Weekend Recap

Saturday, the kids and I joined several of our friends at the local bounce place. There were 6 kids and 5 adults, but I’m not sure who was more tired by the end of the play date, the kids or the adults. After the kids jumped and jumped until they couldn’t anymore, we all went for pizza. The kids had a blast, and I cannot believe I forgot to bring my camera!

We got home from bouncing and lunch around noon, so the kids were ready for naps. It was so gorgeous outside, sunny and about 50, perfect for a hike. I turned over kid duty and let Shelli take over while I went for a nice hike with one of my girlfriends. It was so perfect outside. Oh, how I long for spring so I can get back on the trails. I feel so at peace when I’m hiking.

Today the weather was awful, rainy and cold all day. After naps and being cooped up in the house all day, I thought it would be fun to let them make a snack together. I grabbed some peanut butter, honey, raisins, and a banana and we made 'banana dippers'. The kids absolutely love doing anything that has to do with baking or cooking so I knew I’d have no problem getting them to join me on this project.

The end result was DELISH!

Boys with Purses

It is hilarious to watch the things the kids choose to play with. The boys are obsessed with dressing up in Zoe’s sassy play outfits and they love playing with her purses. Every morning, the boys each have a purse filled with cars. Christian is usually so wrapped up in his cars to get involved, but lately he has been getting dressed up too. Some afternoons when I pick the boys up from school I have to wait on Luis to take off his princess gloves and tiara. It’s funny that it's Luis that is usually the one dressing up or dancing with the singing Barbie. Luis is definitely a boy’s boy and that is why I get the biggest chuckle out of seeing him carrying around a purse throughout the house. Make no mistake he doesn’t want to miss a Sunday that football is on. There isn’t a weekend that goes by that Luis and Shelli are not on the couch watching the game while Zoe, Christian, and I are doing something else.

Cough Drops

When I say the word, “Sneaky” the first person that comes to mind is Zoe! I’m not sure if it’s a phase or what but for the past couple weeks, Zoe has been super sneaky. If she isn’t smashing her fingers in her chap stick, chewing gum out of our trash, or hiding things in her pockets, she is sneaking cough drops and hiding the wrappers. Yep! Shelli was re-arranging her shoes in the closet to find several cough drop wrappers under her dresser. Mind you, this isn’t the first time Zoe has done this. She got in BIG trouble for doing it once before but apparently forgot about it. She would sneak into our room and grab a few cough drops at a time, eat them –LIKE CANDY, and stash the wrappers under the dresser. I’m not sure how I didn’t smell menthol seeping out of her skin with the amount she ate not to mention she is lucky she didn’t get sick. She is worse now than she was when she was two. When we confronted her about it she said, “I didn’t do it! It wasn’t me!” When we told her if she didn’t tell the truth she was going to be in her room most of the day, the answer was then, “YES! I did it BUT, I didn’t mean it—I’m sorry!” It’s amazing what she remembers when she is on the verge of punishment – ha!

Tonight...

Veggie Masala

4 cups (frozen) mixed veggies
1 cup fat free half & half
1 (8 oz) can of tomato sauce
1 jalapeno pepper, finely chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tbsp. butter
2 tsp. cumin powder
2 tsp. paprika
Salt to taste
Cilantro

Melt butter in large skillet over medium heat. Saute garlic and jalapeno for a few min. Stir in cumin, paprika, salt, tomato sauce, and half & half. Simmer until sauce thickens (about 20 min.) Add veggies, and simmer another 20-30 min. Serve over jasmine rice (or brown rice) and garnish with cilantro.

Delish!

Veggies

We started the New Year vegetarian style in this house. I couldn’t be more proud of the boys. When they first got here, they would eat anything but macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets, and they had to have ketchup on everything. They WOULD NOT eat any fruits or veggies. I would put a few green beans, carrots, pears, apples, peppers, squash, mushrooms, and anything else I could on their plate just to ‘try’. In the beginning it was a struggle but, I didn’t give up. I would make mashed potatoes and mix in cauliflower because I was scared they were not getting all the vitamins they needed for growing boys. I have been super creative in making meals I think the kids will enjoy. We’ve had it all from veggie burgers, refried bean burritos, pasta with fresh veggies, homemade veggie pizza, chili with soy crumbles, and they even have had a few Indian meals. The boys haven’t pushed one meal away and most always ask for seconds, of course it always helps that dessert is always something non-healthy.

Luis isn’t a big fan of squash and Christian doesn’t care much for mushrooms so, I always try to mix it up. We all have veggies we are not fond of -- I for one do not like peas. I want them to at least try things before saying they don’t like it.

Zoe has always eaten well and we have always eaten tons of fruits and veggies so, for her it hasn’t been a big deal. I love to watch them all eat with gusto, and so far one of their favorite snacks is edemame, which is one of my favorites too. Carrots and hummus is also a big favorite

I never thought I’d see the day the boys would be eating so well. They are getting BIG and STRONG. Of course they still get their pepperoni pizza, chicken nugget, and cheeseburger fix but, for the most part, they have become very good eaters.

Lunch

The past couple days haven’t been the easiest for me so, yesterday John came to get me and we went downtown for lunch. The kids haven’t had any one on one time for a couple weeks and I was in need of some one on one time with John so, off we went. We spent the morning goofing off, and although the weather was a little cold, the kids didn’t seem to mind, and I enjoyed watching them run around. I even managed to get a personal tour of Center City while learning the ins and outs of downtown. We've been downtown several times but only to specific spots, so I don’t know the city that well. It was nice to go with John, who grew up here, and could show me all the 'hot spots’. Before we knew it, it was time for lunch. We stopped at Cosi to eat and it was excellent. The kids got grilled cheese, carrots, and fruit cups. John and I got delicious salads. The day was nice and just what I needed. John and I are extremely close and I couldn’t be happier to have him in my life.

Since moving here several years ago and not knowing a soul, I feel very blessed to have met some pretty special people. My friends always go above and beyond the call of duty and I know I can always count on them. You always know who your true friends are and I happen to have the best friends anyone could ask for. Life gets hectic and we all have kids but, at the end of the day, we are always here for each other when needed.